I know it’s been a while since I posted anything new. I guess I could give the ol’ ‘I’ve been hella busy with this and that’ story, but I really just hadn’t felt like writing. That’s right, I’m being lazy! But hey, I’m back now.
If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people and retain all the existing human ratios of the world…this is what that village would look like:
There would be…
- 57 Asians
- 21 Europeans
- 14 would be from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
- 8 Africans
- 52 would be female, 48 would be male
- 70 would be non-white, 30 would be white
- 70 would be non-Christian, 30 would be Christian
- 93 would be heterosexual, 7 would be homosexual
- 6 would possess 59% of the entire world’s wealth and all 6 would be from the USA
- 80 would live in substandard housing
- 70 would be unable to read
- 50 would suffer from malnutrition
- 1 would be near death, 1 would be near to giving birth
- 1 (yes only 1) would have a college education
- 1 would own a computer
When you consider the world from such a compressed perspecive the need for acceptance, understanding, and education becomes glaringly apparent.
Here’s something to think about:
- If you woke up this morning with more health than illness…you are more blessed than the million people who will not survive this week.
- If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
- If you can attend a church meeting without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death…you are more blessed than 3 billion people in the world.
- If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep peacefully…you are richer than 75% of this world.
- If you have money in the bank, in your wallet and some change in a dish by your bed, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.
- If your parents are alive and still married…you are very rare…even in the USA.
- If you can read, you are more blessed than over 2 billion people in the world who cannot read at all.
Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching. Sing like nobody’s listening and live like it’s Heaven on Earth!!!
Marinate on that…
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Our last day in the Bahamas started out fairly uneventful. Our flight wasn’t scheduled to leave until 4pm, so we pretty much had an extra day to play around. Problem was, we had to check out by 11am. Luckily, the hotel let us put our luggage in their storage room and allowed us to hang around until it was time for our flight. And that’s exactly what we did…
The one thing that we hadn’t done on our trip was buy souvenirs for our family/friends. The gift shop at the resort was ridiculously expensive, and they really didn’t have anything worth buying. So, the plan was to find a cabbie to take us to Port Lucaya Marketplace so we can buy some trinkets, and then have him drop us off at the airport. We made arrangements with this one taxi driver who charged us $35. Fine. We were set to meet back with the cabbie at 1:30.
After saying farewell to all the people we met and taking more pictures, we made it back to the hotel lobby at 1:30. We asked the bellman to retrieve our bags, and then went to the front desk to fill out a hotel guest satisfaction questionnaire. Our cabbie seemed slightly irritated and tried to rush us, saying we were not gonna make it to the airport in time if we did not leave…RIGHT THEN! Mind you, it’s about 1:34 by this time. Not feeling the sense of urgency (and the fact that we were still waiting on our luggage), we finished our questionnaires and placed them in the designated box. The cabbie then tried to make us go get our OWN luggage out of the storage because the bellman was taking too long (he was actually trying to help multiple guests). We refused. I guess he was done with us by then…the time was 1:40…
Just as we refused, the bellman came around with our luggage, and we asked the cabbie where his van was parked. He pointed to a white van, and we headed towards it. What we didn’t realize was that it belonged to another cabbie. We were like, “so, you’re not gonna take us now?” Dude just palmed us off on the new cabbie saying, “he’ll take you.” Confused, we explained our prior arrangement to the new guy and asked if he could help us. He agreed, but his price was $38, plus he would only wait at the marketplace for 20 minutes…PLUS he wanted to charge $5 dollars for having to wait. I was out at that point. Heavenly tried to get a better understanding of what the cabbie wanted, and then he copped major attitude with her. Dude bugged his eyes out at her as if to say, “BYTCH, I SAID 38 DOLLARS! IS YOU DEAF?!” Our tempers and emotions were really on edge, and I think that was the breaking point. Being that we didn’t want to end up on lockdown in a Bahamian jail on assault charges, all hugged up on some big chick named Dominique, we declined that cabbie’s “services” and kept it moving.
We confronted the first cabbie to find out why he ditched us and played us dirty. Of course, he didn’t have a valid answer. He just kept trying to brush us off saying that the other cabbie would take us where we wanted to go. He defended the OTHER dude’s prices, but that was irrelevant to us…we wanted to know why HE reneged on OUR deal. Heavenly wanted him to verbally admit that he went back on his word…but he avoided that. He couldn’t even look us in the eye. What’s killer is that he didn’t even have another fare for at least 30 minutes. I could see if he was missing out on money by having to wait for us, but no, he was just being a jackass.
So, I guess you’re wondering how we got to the airport…I’m glad you asked. A guy named Brandon, one of the hotel employees, volunteered to take us to the marketplace, then to the airport…for FREE. He didn’t get off work until 2:30, so we would be pressed for time, but we were out of options at that point. But, we were able to go to the market place to shop, and we made it to the airport just in time. We gave Brandon the money that we would have given the taxi driver and then dipped out. I almost hate to admit it (almost), but I was so glad to be leaving that island. That really was too much drama for one trip. I will not knowingly and/or willingly patronize that hotel chain, or fool with Airtran ever again.*
Fin.
*UPDATE: Unfortunately, a convention that I am attending later this year will be held at this particular hotel chain. And guess how I am getting there? Yup! Airtran LOL!
So, here’s a few highlights and things I learned while in the Bahamas:
- Free food and alcohol (even though I don’t drink) ’til 2am…
- Bahamians are super friendly…well, the men were
…and I REFUSE to believe my having ginormous boobs had anything to do with the hospitality… UPDATE: As of late 2007, said ginormous boobs have been reduced to just “large” boobs…just in case you were wondering 
- Every man we met offered us either sex, weed, or a combination of the two…INCLUDING the hotel staff…
[sidepocket] Ok…so this really wasn’t a “highlight” due to the fact that I don’t smoke, nor did I desire getting my groove back Stella style by swaping bodily fluids with some unknown islander…BUT it was funny nonetheless [/sidepocket] - A 17 year old boy tried to holla at me and proceeded to ask me for my number…apparently he had no problem with calling me because his mom has Vonage (free long distance/international calling for the slow folks)…
- To be called “chunky” in the Bahamas is a compliment…Bahamian men love extra thick women…
- To have a guy “put something on your chest” means to have sexual intercourse with him…
- Someone that is considered to be “biggity” is stuck-up and/or bossy…
- Them beach hustlers be on the grind selling seashells, sarongs, beaded necklaces…or weed…and the male vendors also offered up sex (see third bullet)
Put somethin’ on ya chest!
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(For part 1 of this story, scroll down or click here)
So, now that we had our airline ticket situation under wraps, it was time to book the hotel. This was a seemingly easy task. In late June, I found an all-inclusive hotel* for $253 a night, which was an unbelievable deal to us. Upon reserving the room, the confirmation stated that my card would be charged immediately…of course, this information was not shared until I actually made the reservation and gave my debit card info. I contacted the hotel’s reservations line, and the agent I spoke with told me that my card number would only be used to hold the room and that actual payment wouldn’t be required until we arrived at the resort…so I left it at that…
Cut to 2 weeks before our departure (mid-October)…I went back to the hotel’s website….just playing around the reservations section…and I discovered that the hotel had reduced the price of the room to $189 a night. Yep, they were gonna try and get over on me…but oh, no…not the kid. I IMMEGETLY called and had them give me the room at that reduced rate. Another crisis averted…
The day before we left…I was at work…and went online to access my bank account. I pulled up my account summary, and discovered I only had $94 available. WTF?!? I opened my statement and there it was…the hotel had charged my debit card for the full amount of our stay…two whole eff’n days before we even arrived. Needless to say, I was H-O-T! I called the hotel’s reservation line and was informed that their policy allowed them to charge my card up to 72 hours in advance. This did not sit well with me at all because 1) it’s a wack @ss policy and 2) they did not disclose this policy when I made the initial reservation, nor when I changed it. I felt totally hoodwinked and bamboozled. Had they properly informed me of this policy initially, I would have been able to plan better, and they denied me the opportunity to make an informed decision. Lucky for them my account did not overdraw because of this…somebody woulda had to quit their job and seek therapy after I finished getting in they shyt.
That first agent I spoke with wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear, so I hung up and called back in hopes of speaking with someone else. The new agent pretty much gave me the same song. I tried to tell her that the website did not make me aware of this policy, but she kept saying that the info “should have” been there. Plus, she was not even able to pull up anything that verified this bass ackwards policy. She then transferred me to “customer care”.
[sidepocket] The term “customer care” is a oxymoron…I swear those heartless bastids they have working in that department are a total waste of protoplasm.[/sidepocket]
This chick in customer care pretty much brushed me off like, “oh the eff well, we got your money now bytch, ain’t shyt we can do about it…” (that previous quote was not an actual recount, but it might as well had been!) She was also unable to provide proof of this 72 hour advance payment policy. It was at that point I decided that I was done speaking to these fools…I’d take care of it when I got to the hotel. I sent a strongly worded email to the hotel’s feedback website, but interestingly, the email never submitted…hmmmmmm…
The next day, we arrived at the hotel. Problem #1: the hotel only had a reservation for 2 guests in the room…we had 3 people (this is yet another issue I’ll get to later). Problem #2: my name was misspelled on the reservation. I’d made the reservation online, so I don’t know how these discrepancies happened. Before I even accepted the keys to our room, I explained to the desk receptionist my concerns. She quickly passed me onto their customer care (them d@mn customer uncare folks again 
) located in the Dominican Republic. I explained to the supervisor my complaints, but she just went back and forth with me…trying to defend her customer care position and blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada…all these unnecessary things that were irrelevant to my concerns. I’d had enough of the bull. I cut the convo short and point blank demanded an upgrade to an oceanview room. She had to play the “let me see what I can do role,” but I got my d@mn upgrade. These mofos seriously need to respect my gangsta…
The front desk rep gave the keys to our original room to Heavenly and CoCo** without my knowledge, and they went off exploring while I spoke to customer (un)care. So, when I received the keys to the new upgraded room, they were nowhere to be found. I wasn’t gonna go traipsing around the resort looking for them, so I just went to the room. About 5 minutes later, they came around. They told me that our original room only had 1 bed in it, and had a lovely view of a barb-wire fence. The view was to be expected, but I’d reserved a room with 2 queen beds, not 1 king-sized bed. THEM MOFOS EFF’D UP MY RESERVATION!!! After all that, they didn’t even have my reservation correct, which explained why my name was misspelled and why we only had accommodations for 2 people…BASTIDS!!!
I let that one slide since we now had a room with a GORGEOUS view…and 2 beds (I did file a formal complaint with the company when I returned home). The remainder of our stay was wonderful. The resort was beautiful and the entire staff made us feel welcomed. No more drama…
That is…until we were ready to leave paradise…(dun dun dunnnnnnnnn!)
(to be concluded tomorrow…)
* said hotel shall remain nameless due to the fact that I will not plug their establishment on my blog
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Due to the length of this story, I have broken it up into 3 parts…
One thing that’s apparent when I go on trips with my girls is, something has to go wrong. It’s like we can’t have a good time without some form of drama involved. This trip that we took to the Bahamas in 2006 was no different. We all knew that going to the Bahamas would bring about some issues, and believe me, we were not disappointed.
This tale of our Bahamas trip actually begins with another trip…to Las Vegas. Flash back to December 2005, New Year’s weekend. My girls Heavenly*, CoCo*, and I (Sunnie*) got booted off our flight to Vegas because the incompetent losers over at Airtran don’t know how to count and overbooked as a result (there was even more drama involved in this trip, but I’ll have to save that for another post). Much to our chagrin, we lost about 7 hours due to having to take a later flight. As compensation for this “inconvenience”, Airtran granted us free round-trip tickets to wherever they fly. SCORE!!!
Around March/April of 2006, Heavenly suggested that we use our free tickets to go to the Bahamas. I thought that we should go for my birthday, since October would probably be the best month for us to travel. After doing some research, we found a nice all-inclusive resort in Nassau. I called Airtran to determine if our travel dates were available, and they indeed were, but Airtran did not fly into Nassau…they flew into Freeport on the Grand Bahamas Island. Back to square one.
Lucky for us I found another nice all-inclusive resort in Freeport. I again called Airtran to book a flight to Freeport with my “free” airline ticket. The agent told me I had to pay $61 for international departure tax. Unscathed, I paid the fee and informed my girls of the extra charge. One problem…neither of them had the money to pay for the “free” ticket at that time.
By June, Heavenly and CoCo were ready to get their airline tickets. Heavenly called Airtran to redeem their tickets…Airtran in return said there were no more seats available for our anticipated travel dates. Square one anyone? At that time, we considered cancelling the trip altogether.
Heavenly, the determined one, called Airtran a few days later to determine if there were ANY available dates. The reservations agent helping her apparently didn’t like his job and was giving much attitude. The dude could not find her certificate number using his search methods and refused to search under alternate methods. He even went as far as implying that Heavenly was lying and did not have a compensation ticket. Heavenly called CoCo on 3-way and the agent did not want to help both of them simultaneously. He did finally find Heavenly’s certificate, but stated there were no available flights to the Bahamas for certificate passengers; they only allow a certain number of seats for “free” flights. At that point he thought they would just accept that answer and tried to end the call…now what he wanna go and do that for?
Heavenly and CoCo escalated the call to the reservations supervisor. By this time they had been on the phone for almost an hour and a half. The supervisor wanted this call resolved, so he basically conceded Heavenly and CoCo’s request and allowed them seats for our original requested travel dates.
So…we were set to go. And even though Airtran had us on a 5:30am departure with a 5 hour layover in the ATL airport…and even though they changed my flight reservation no less than three times without notifying me, and in the process screwed up my return flight to where I would be leaving ATL before I even arrived…at least we were on a plane…
Next, we needed to book a hotel…
(to be continued tomorrow…)
* Names changed to protect the guilty
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This post is dedicated to those who suffer from the most heinous of conditions…one so putrid that it affects you and every person within a six foot radius of you…one that, if not promptly and effectively treated, will afford you a life of loneliness and incessant ridicule, most likely unbeknownst to you. This condition I speak of …is Halitosis! That’s right, bad breaf (yes, BREAF!)
I am aware that there are certain instances where having bad breath may be indicative of an illness such as a sinus infection, the flu, or constipation (don’t quote me on that one), or may be due to eating malodorous foods, or by some other temporary cause that can easily be resolved with gum or an Altoid. While the aforementioned symptoms are still unpleasant to the entire nasal cavity, they are not the problems to which I am referring. I am speaking of those people who contribute to air pollution on a daily basis…those with whom I cannot hold face-to-face conversations…those with whom I’d rather conduct business by telephone or through email…STOP THE MADNESS PLEASE!!!
If your breath singes the hairs in my nose and causes me to see spots in front of my eyes, then something is WRONG. If your breath still stinks after brushing your teeth, then SOMETHING is WRONG. If, no matter what time of day I speak to you, your breath STILL smells bad, then (say it with me nah) SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!
Example #1:
There is a guy in my building who I interact with quite frequently. [sidepocket] As I was writing this entry today at work, guess who shows up at my desk? Yep, the halitosis dude himself LMAO. I kept the convo short as to not risk losing consciousness (I need to invest in a gas mask for safety purposes). [/sidepocket] Now, this dude is an avid coffee drinker and I think he may also smoke, but I am not certain…but the coffee and possible cigarette(s) are not the cause of the problem. Oh, no…I think it just makes it worse. Anyhoo…I literally have to turn my head to the side if he is speaking to directly to my face. The smell causes me to lose my concentration…I think I’ve shed a couple of tears before. He’s an ok guy, but his breath forces me to avoid him as much as possible. Unfortunately, I’m not cool enough with him to tell him that his breath smells like poo.
Example #2:
Now with this guy, we were cool enough for me to let him know what’s up…we dated for a few months. We weren’t dating exclusively, so I really didn’t see him often, but, when I would see him, his breath smelled. At the time I just thought it was due to the fact that we met up during the evening (usually after work)…and, you know, sometimes our breath can be a little tart by the end of the day (I call it “All Day Breath”©)…so I just brushed it off. It wasn’t until conflicts in our evening schedules forced us to have lunch dates that I realized the truth. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! How could someone so FINE and SEXY and oh so FLY be a yukmouf?!? IT’S NOT FAIR, I tell ya! I was immediately turned off by this revelation. So, how did I break it to Mr. Fine Sexy and oh so Fly that his breath was clearing my sinuses in a bad way? I’m glad you asked Cuz the truth is…I didn’t…I couldn’t. I concocted several scenarios in my mind on how to break the news to him…but I chickened out every time. Lucky for me, our schedules were just too hectic and we just kinda lost touch with each other. Crisis averted…
So, if you or someone you know suffers from this dreadful condition that commits social homicide, here are some ways to combat this evil fiend called bad breath:
- Good…scratch that…GREAT dental hygiene – I heard someone say that plaque is like a bowel movement of the mouth…EWWWWWWWW! Brush after every meal. FLOSS! For the love of Haysoos, you need to FLOSS! Brush your tongue or get one of those nice little tongue scraper thingies.
- Healthy Eating Habits – Flush all that nasty crap out of your intestines. I know you’ve heard people say that bad breath can be linked to internal problems…
- Neutralize odors – I’ve never tried it, but I’ve heard that after eating a meal of particularly strong foods (garlic, onions, peppers, etc.) you should follow the meal with some parsley. I don’t know how much you should eat, but you can Google it or something (I’m not gonna do ALL the work for you).
As for how to let someone know that their breath can strip the paint off the side of an oceanliner…you’re on your own for that one…
Now that I’ve grossed myself out…I’m gonna go brush my teeth…
Posted in Pure Ignance | Leave a Comment »
Dear ______,
I ran across some pictures of you and I while doing a little spring cleaning. Located with those pictures were all the poems and letters you ever wrote me. While looking through this assortment of keepsakes, I couldn’t help wondering, “WHY am I even holding onto this stuff?” I mean, what we had is in the past and we haven’t even seen or heard from each other in YEARS. But as I stared at your image, I reflected on a time where innocence was abundant. We shared a young love. We actually believed that our love for each other solely would sustain us as we made this journey through life. But it’s ironic that it was LIFE that separated us. As we struggled to find and take our places in adulthood…to assume the responsibilities therein…who knew that life would lead us down different paths…in different directions?
As I reminisce, I seem to focus only on the positive aspects of our diminished relationship. For some reason, all of the negative things seem so trivial and unworthy of drudging up. Maybe, for that reason, you still have a secure place in my heart. I still haven’t determined why I can’t let these things go. The words that flow from these pages in my hand mean nothing now…these pictures, merely snapshots of a time long gone. We are strangers now…and yet, I still cling to images of the past. I’m not ready to let go yet. So I’ll just tuck these things away in a box and push them back into the far corner of my closet to be retrieved at a later date…perhaps the next time I decide to do some spring cleaning. Who knows? Maybe then I will be ready to purge these remnants of my first love…
I keep holdin’ on…
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1. One book that’s changed your life.
May I Have Your Order Please? How to Get What You Want From God by Pastor Rickie Rush. This book emphasizes how prayer should be used to get whatever you desire. It’s simple, yet detailed, and very powerful.
2. One book that you have read more than once.
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. I loved this book even before Oprah turned it into a made-for-tv movie. Even though it was one of those books I had to read for those dreaded summer reading assignments in school, I finished it in 3 days.
3. One book that you would want on a deserted island?
War and Peace…it seems long and complicated enough to pass the time away…
4. One book that made you cry
Afterburn by Zane. A shocking plot twist near the end threw me off…I could only read it once.
5. One book that made you laugh.
Don’t Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings by Tyler Perry. Madea is a fool! That is all…
6. One book you wish had been written.
Brazilian Waxing for Dummies…nuff said…
7. One book you wish had never been written.
Any book by Dr. Phil *rolls eyes*
8. One book you are currently reading.
The Millionaires by Brad Meltzer. This dude is the king of insider secrets, conspiracy theories, and government cover-ups…everything I LOVE…
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read.
Misery by Stephen King. I started reading this book in the 7th grade (16 years ago), but due to it’s graphic nature, I was unable to finish it.
10. One book you’re glad to own.
Green Eggs and Ham…classic!
11. One book from which you must read aloud.
The Bible. It’s full of drama, scandal, sex, violence, hopefulness, inspiration, and clarity.
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So I finally decided to start another blog. I realized that I really need all this penned up frustration and craziness to be released in a constructive outlet. I haven’t blogged at all in almost 2 years, which really didn’t matter because nobody read it anyway lol. So, I’m moving in. Everything looks good so far…I just hope no roaches show up…
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